I’ve always had a fear of being alone. I know I could make it on my own if I ever needed to, I just prefer not to be alone. Over the years this hasn’t always led me to make the best choices but I’ve been working on this and making some progress. It’s a hard feeling and mindset to shake. I work so very hard to learn new tasks and skill sets so people will always find me useful for something and maintain a friendship or relationship. They needed me to be around to make their life better. I was much worst in the past – actually seeking out things people needed and learning to do them in order to help a friend. Now this isn’t normally a bad thing, but when you’re learning new tasks to keep or maintain friends, it’s not the best idea, especially if the tasks aren’t something you’d take up on your own or don’t enjoy. I’ve given up many, many hours of my life to other people and their needs hoping to show them how much I valued our friendship. That was my problem – I valued the friendship highly but that wasn’t always returned and would often lead to me getting hurt in the end and loosing what I thought was a friend.
In my path of life, I’ve learned that those aren’t the kind of friends that I need. People had told me for years and years but like so many other things, until you need or are ready to learn something knew and take in the knowledge, people giving you wisdom is just some warm air passing by your ear. I truly believe you need to be in the “right” place at the “right” time for all the pieces of the puzzle to fall into place. I’ve weeded out some friends, despite my fear of not having any friends left. I’ve slowly weaned down text messages, Facebook “likes”, phone calls, emails, ect to see if there was any kind of outreach from the other person to show they valued our friendship as well. When those things weren’t returned, the friendships just kind of died out. A couple I was pretty sad about but once I thought about it, I was the only one putting work into the friendships and not getting anything back in return.
On the other hand, I’ve been sooooooo lucky to have many new faces come into my life in the past year who have filled gaps and holes. I’m so proud to say that I’ve got friends like Stuart, Betsy, Nicole S., Nicole W., Lisa and Bree who check on me if I haven’t tweeted in a reasonable enough time. 🙂 Betsy, Nicole S. and JL have taken time out of their own vacations to come see me and my family which means the world to me. I’ve never had someone do that before this year. Betsy’s given my kids nicknames (which they love!) and Nicole S. goes out of her way to check up on them. These people have truly enriched my life in so many ways. Stuart’s helped give me a huge amount of confidence and talked me into taking the leap and starting this blog. I know now that if I’m having a crappy day I’ve got friends (many more on line that a quick drive away unfortunetly) who will give me a pep talk (thanks Jeff!) and when I have a great day celebrate with me. Mary and Alyssa have encouraged me to take the step to learn digital scrapbooking when I mentioned it was something I was interested in and now I wish I had more time to work on my projects. These friendships are much more valuable to me than my old style and I’m so thankful I opened myself to take a journey to learn more about myself and allow myself to make a change. There are so many others that I know I’m forgetting and for that I’m sorry! Please know that I appreciate you too.
To my friends: I know I don’t say it nearly enough, but thank you so much for being in my life and having such a special place in it!
How did you get one – sided friendships out of your life? How do you show your friends you care?