When you’re pregnant, you’re overrun with hormones and your mood can change instantly. This has been typical for me in past pregnancies and is no different this time around for the most part. I can still cry at the drop of a hat and be laughing hysterically in seconds. One thing that’s different this time is knowing that more than likely this is the last time I’ll have a little person kicking the crap out of me from the inside. Being a mommy was something I always knew I would do “when I grew up” and I always saw myself with more than one little one running around the house.
Towards the end of my first pregnancy, I got very frustrated with myself because I was five days over my due date. If I couldn’t even get the kid out on time how the heck was I going to be able to do anything else? We weren’t starting off on a very good foot. Throw in the emergency c-section which added to the “bad mommy” guilt and the first few weeks were kind of tough (some days it’s still tough to be honest). Thankfully, I don’t think I’ve scarred him too much in his almost eight years of life other than being the most mean and evil mom ever (a title I’m happy to hold by the way). I also had the normal excitement and anticipation emotions throughout the pregnancy but was never really overly nervous or scared about actually having a baby.
With my second pregnancy, it all seemed pretty normal through the pregnancy. Again I was fairly happy, excited and (I thought) prepared for having another baby. I’d been through this all before and had an idea of how this would all work this time around. I was a little more anxious knowing when the “big day” would be I think but it was honestly much less stressful than walking around for weeks wondering if my water would break today or if today was “the day”. The worst part for me was sitting in the pre – op room waiting my turn. Thankfully the operating room was open sooner than expected so my wait wasn’t nearly as long as I was anticipating which was a good surprise. That’s pretty much where the good surprises ended that day. I only got to hold my baby for a few seconds before he was taken to the NICU. I was an emotional wreck that day (and for several days after). The mommy guilt was doubled this time – not only did I feel like I’d let my newest son down, I was also leaving my oldest son to stay in the hospital with the baby. In reality, Corbin was loving the time with Grammy and everyone else and probably didn’t much even realize I wasn’t there.
Now that we’re on to baby number three, I’m terrified about every little thing because of past experience. Thank God for the great doctors and nurses at my OB’s office…I’ve called them just about once a week since I found out I was pregnant with some random question or concern. They’ve done an awesome job making me not feel like a total nut job (even though I’m sure they laugh as soon as they hang up the phone with me) and understand my concerns. With the end in sight, I’m starting to get a little sad that the pregnancy’s almost over. Being pregnant is such a special and amazing experience and I’m so glad I’ve gotten to enjoy it as many times as I have. I feel like a chapter in my life is closing and it’s going to take a little time to deal with that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m beyond excited to spend my days sitting on the couch snuggling a newborn and I cannot wait for that. For me, I think the nervousness of so desperately wanting this to be a “normal” birth combined with knowing it will probably be the last time for me to experience it is something that’s just about always on my mind. I’m worried about how the boys are going to handle having their sister in the house, how I’m going to juggle everything going on with a newborn and how everything will fall into place over the next few months. I know in my heart it will all work out in the end and I’ve tried so hard not to stress too much about everything.
Even after the baby’s here, I know I’ll still be terribly hormonal for a while. It should be a fun combination – hormones, lack of sleep, a five year old home with me and an eight year old with an attitude. Some day I’ll look back on all of this and laugh about it all but for now I just want to enjoy each and every second.
What did you feel when you were pregnant? How did you handle the hormones?