I’m all for a little independence and a chance to do (almost) whatever I want for two whole weeks normally. Unfortunetly, right now I’m not “normal”. The boys and I dropped hubby off at the airport Sunday morning and we watched a plane back up and head off towards the runway. While I was talking to the boys about the plane, I burst into tears of guilt because I couldn’t take them on a plane right now after seeing how cool they thought it was.
I pulled myself together for the drive home but was totally exhausted and didn’t get too much done. The boys were their normal, crazy selves running around having an awesome time today. Again, I broke into tears that I didn’t have more energy to run around and be crazy with them. As you can guess, my hormones are going crazy right now and I can cry at the drop of a hat. Only seconds later, I can be laughing and having a great time. While it’s a relief to be able to show my emotions a bit more freely, it’s also very frustrating when I feel like I can’t control them.
We made it through lunch, nap and dinner without too many issues. That’s when the nausea hit full force. I don’t mind “morning” sickness at all – and even throwing up. But this is more than just morning sickness which scares me every time my stomach starts to rumble. It feels like times I’ve had food poisoning in the past and usually ends with me spending hours (literally) in the bathroom sweating and in a lot of pain. I prayed I wouldn’t be sick while hubby was gone for a couple of reasons – I hate being sick and am a bit more comforted when hubby’s around. I also didn’t want the boys to be scared if I got sick. I don’t really have anyone here who can take the kids for me if something were to happen (most of our friends have got cats or dogs which Corbin’s allergic to and they’ve got kids of their own so staying here would be a big challenge for them). Sadly, my prayers were not answered and I spent a couple of hours in the bathroom last night. The boys were both totally grossed out by the fact that I was vomiting and perplexed and curious at the same time. They did do a good job coming to check on me and tried to entertain themselves while I wasn’t available.
Nights and moments like this make me really question having another child. While I know this is a blessing, I know I’ve got some issues with my body and pregnancy throws everything out of whack and takes forever (if ever) to get back to some kind of normal. My last doctor told me that one more pregnancy was all my body could handle and now I believe that she was totally right. I get sad that I’m not spending enough time with the boys, that I can’t do fun things with them and try to comfort myself knowing that they love the independence they get when I’m not watching their every move. I cannot wait to meet this sweet little jelly bean and try to get back to normal. I’m going to keep on praying for a healthy baby and pregnancy and hopefully the second trimester will arrive with sunshine and roses and the yucky stuff will all magically disappear (I can dream right??).
Sometimes I also feel like I’m totally disconnected from the world. I’ve been terrible at keeping up with Twitter friends lately; work’s been crazy and when I’m home I’m with the boys or sleeping (or getting sick). I’ve had a couple of really good friends hunt me down and make sure I’m ok which I greatly appreciate but overall I feel like a terrible friend. The boys and I went to dinner with a girlfriend and her kids Friday night. I didn’t think I’d have the energy for it, but I’m so glad I got out. We all had a really good time and just getting out of the house and chatting was so nice.
I’m hoping the remained of the two weeks we’re home alone go smoothly. This week should be pretty quiet. I’ve got a seminar to attend tomorrow and a doctor’s appointment on Friday. Next week, Corbin’s got Back to School night and since I’m on the PTO board, I’ve got to be there for both nights. Thankfully Friday we’re leaving for Disney. I’ve got the afternoon off but depending on how I feel, I may take the entire day and either rest then leave or leave and get to Orlando if I’m feeling good enough. I don’t know how exhausted I’ll be by that point. Everything should go fine (I’m keeping my fingers crossed!) and I’m hoping the time passes quickly and I’ll have hubby’s help again.
Thanks for listening to me vent. 🙂 I know sometimes it’s TMI (too much info) but it’s so comforting to be able to get some of my thoughts out and I love hearing how you’ve dealt with similar situations or your take on what’s going on in my life.